Everything you ever needed to know

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Between me and my rear (whom I've named Heloise)...

Me: You know rear you've really been shaping up over the past couple of months. I'm very happy to be seeing less of you.
Heloise: Well thank you. You know I have been working hard.
Me: But there's always room for improvement.
Heloise: Excuse me?
Me: Today we're going to bike and do weights.
Heloise: Bike, schmike. And I do agree that your arms and abs need the weight work.
Me (on the bike): Random hills for 15 minutes at level 5
Heloise: Tiptoe through the tulips, la la la la
Me (1 minute into the bike): increasing level to 7
Heloise: ok
Me (2 minutes into the bike): increasing level to 9
Heloise: I have a bad feeling about this
Me (3 minutes into the bike): increasing level to 11
Heloise: What a minute here? What's going on!
Me (7 minutes into the bike): level 11 increasing speed
Heloise: I'm feeling sweaty. Do you really want a butt sweat mark on your pants?
Me (after 15 minutes of warm up on the bike): Great warm up. Now onto the weights!
Heloise: Warm up? What the hell?
Me: Hmmm this machine works glutes and hamstrings. Excellent. Dang it this intermediate weight is stuck so I can either do 45 or 65 lbs. Oh well, 65 lbs it is for 3 reps of 15.
Heloise: I thought we were working arms and abs? Aaaahhhhckkkkk. 65 lbs!
Me: Oooh cramp.
Heloise: Holy mother of God!
Me: And now for a break, let's work on the arms.
Heloise: suckers...
Me: And now for the abductors and adductors.
Heloise: crap that's close to me again
Me: feel the burn
Heloise: #&$*
Me: Good job rear. We'll reap the benefits of extra strength training.
Heloise: I hate you.