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Saturday, January 9, 2010

Who I can be

What should I put on my iPod for my 5k race? I'm in need of some new tunes. :) So please comment below with your favorite songs that pump you up. And no debate on whether to use iPods or not in races - I've gone with and without but for this race I'm using one (and it's allowed).

I took Friday off from exercising. My legs were pretty sore so I didn't push it for this first week back. And I didn't feel bad about my decision at all. I briefly thought about getting a mile or two on my treadmill but my jacuzzi tub looked better.

Today, though, I got an hour in at the rec. The first 20 minutes were a warm-up on the elliptical. Then I hit the indoor track. My original thoughts were to go 2 miles and then go back to the elliptical but as I was going round and round and round and round I decided that I'd do a full 5k (20 laps) at an easy pace and see what the time was. This would give me a max time of what to expect on the 23rd. I didn't look at my time for the first mile but I was done with two miles at 19:20. I was encouraged that those two miles felt easy. To be honest I was more conscious of my time for the last mile but I didn't really push it. I was done at 29:40 and felt great. As I was stretching at the end I had to chuckle at how awful my body used to feel after runs. While I didn't have any major injuries I would be super sore after every run at the beginning. I still feel soreness but 3 miles doesn't kill me anymore. So that's progress.

Lost another pound this week so that makes 10 since the beginning of November and I'm officially back to pre-pregnancy weight (only took two years). With each of my pregnancies I gained 40 lbs but after my son was born I lost it really quickly with just working out a couple times a week. My second pregnancy impacted my body more significantly. I need to lose another 5 lbs to get down to the lightest I've ever been as an adult. Though when I hit that mark before it was because I caught some kind of nasty stomach germ while travelling in Egypt. Other wise I haven't seen those numbers since I was in jr. high - adolescence was hard on my body.

I remember one conversation I was a part of during the summer between my 8th and 9th grade years. I had gone with a friend to a church camp (where they actually camped for a week) and she had some other relatives or friends there too. We were all around the same age but these couple of girls were at least 2-3 years older than us and thus deserved all my observation and hero worship. That was until they started talking about some girl they knew that wore size 13 pants. They went on and on about how "fat" that was and how they just couldn't believe how anyone could live with themselves at that size. I was already outgrowing my size 13 shorts and just sat there quietly hoping that they wouldn't look more closely at me and judge me the same way.

Through out high school I just accepted the fact that I was growing larger. I outgrew sizes 14 and 16 and was pushing a size 18 all throughout college. It got harder to find clothes and I knew that I could no longer shop in places like Express or the Gap. I never looked at clothes smallr than XL. I started to care more about my appearance during college and swung back and forth between sizes as I tried to lose weight but I never got smaller than a 16. When I was 25 my 18's were too tight on me and I even had a size 20 pair of jeans. I sweat every time I had to walk anywhere. I had horrible heartburn all the time. My skin was even bad. I tried to lose weight but I was never committed to a long term effort. I tried the fad diet pills but felt like my heart was going crazy and really I didn't have the money to keep buying them. I avoided going to the Dr. because I didn't want to have to weigh in and face the actual numbers.

In October of 2003, I was 25, I had the stomach flu and had to go to the Dr. to make sure I wasn't dying. I weighed in at 246 lbs. And even that was not enough to make me change my ways. I only started to lose weight after I started dating my now husband (about a month or so later). I can't tell you how many arguments we had while we dated and the first year we were married. He would encourage me to work out and eat right and I would accuse him of not loving me the way I was - I now know better of course. The first 35 lbs came off pretty easily just by cutting out my daily sodas and Starbucks fix and working out a couple times a week. It's easy to become smug about your weight loss when it comes easy.

These past 2 years have been frustrating. I've worked out more than I ever done and the weight wouldn't come off or it just came off very, very slowly. But these past 2 years have forced me to be a more conscious person about my food choices and the type of exercise I do - and that's a good thing.

So now, at a size 12 (with room to spare), able to shop in normal stores and at 184 lbs (I'm 5' 9" ) I could say I'm fine - I fit into that "average woman" category now. And I haven't been this size/weight since I was 13 but this is not fine to me because I know I'm not at the healthiest I could be. I still mess up a lot. I still love my salty, carb filled foods. But I don't give up after bad days anymore. I don't accept that it's the best I can do. At times I get obsessive about it but I'm learning to take each day as I go and to keep going and pushing. I'm capable of so much more.

1 comment:

  1. Well said!! I've been thinking about a lot of the same things you've talked about. My weight struggle started a bit later in life, but it did start in high school. I totally admire your determination and drive and you have been a TOTAL inspiration to me the past 2 years. I'm on my own journey "downward", and eagerly await the day when I hit 184 again, and keep going down (after all, I'm only 5'7" :o) ). Also, as size 12 sounds awesome, especially since a 12 in the U.S. is a 14 here! :o/ You're doing an awesome job, and I can't wait to see what happens over this year!

    As for songs, I really like "Pump It" by the Blackeyed Peas. Also, if you want any of my brother's stuff, let me know. I LOVE running to his stuff. Great beats.