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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Closet Issues

So many shelves! At really weird heights...
I have a clothing problem. Inside my beautiful, spacious closet I have a lot of clothes. It's not that I'm a fashionista. Far, far from it. Some pieces are 20 years old (because I really like that Kathy Lee dress from Walmart that I bought in 1996 - and it's a dress that someone compliments every single time I wear it - ha!), some outfits should be tossed but I keep them out of laziness or sentimental reasons.

But the common factor you'll find as you browse through my racks of clothing is that I keep a variety of sizes available. I have everything from size 10 to 16 in my closet right now. Once, a while ago, I even had size 18's and one pair of size 20 jeans but I did purge those sizes in my previous lower weight phases.  Back in 2010 when I was around the weight I am right now I went through, bagged up, and Goodwill'd pretty much everything that was size 16 or higher - probably some 14's too. Later however, I was pretty pissed that I lost so much clothing when I got back up into the 14's and 16's. It didn't help motivate me to get back on track.

By 2013 or so, when I was solidly in the 16's again, I got tired of being so limited with my clothing choices that I bought a few comfortable items that were suitable for work (this was my J Jill comfy clothes stage). In late summer of 2014 when I went back to work and had lost enough weight to be in 14's I bought another slew of more professional (i.e. less comfortable) work items. Then last summer (before I started losing weight) I bought a few more things because those 14's were way too tight again - this was my palazzo pants stage (and I still love my palazzo pants, they're just too baggy for me now for social things but they make great house pants).

I still had a lot of size 12's from my purchases from 2009-2011 and I even had a few items in size 10's from my brief few weeks in the summer of 2010 when I could fit into them. A lot of these things had been packed away in boxes; I held onto the nicer items with the hopes that one day I could fit into them. When we bought our current house and I had so much space in the closet, I unpacked those old boxes and added them to my collection of clothes - I just shoved them to the back corners of the closet since I knew I wouldn't be accessing them much. I have purged some things that are in styles that I no longer like or are obviously out of style. Style isn't much of an issue with me as I'm not all that stylish to begin with and usually buy things that are pretty standard across the years.

So now, being at the lower end of my weight pendulum, I have a lot of clothes that are too big for me. An excellent problem to have except that I'm not ready to go buy clothes because I'm still in that in-between stage. I've started to fit into the old size 10's that I had in the back corners of my closet but most of the 12's fit just fine as well. I only have two pairs of work slacks that fit nicely however so I'm wearing a lot of skirts these days.

I'll go through and probably pack up everything size 14 and higher but I won't be getting rid of it this time. While I'm fully committed to not gaining the weight back I also know that shit happens and weight comes back sometimes. So I'll pack it away but I won't be starting at square one if the worst happens.

While I'm not ready to buy a new wardrobe quite yet (still hopeful) this past weekend I had a couple of hours to kill so I did some clothes browsing. I only selected size 10's, or mediums, to bring into the fitting room with me and I was able to fit into every outfit that I brought with me.

This was a big mental hurdle for me. There were some items that I held up to myself and thought, "no this will be way too tight." And yet it actually did fit. Though to be frank, not all outfits fit so that they flattered me. I bought a couple of items but I'm still waiting to see where I end up size wise before adding more to my wardrobe. But the experience was fun and it gave me enough courage to do something I have never done before - not once in my entire teen and adult life.

Wednesday is on to something here...
I tried on a bikini. Yep, I've never even tried one on before let alone own one. My parents wouldn't have let me wear a bikini as a kid/teen and I was already a size 13 by 8th grade and a 16-18 through most of high school so I wasn't comfortable wearing one anyway - I was solidly in the "wear a t-shirt over the one piece" camp of swimwear.

I knew I wasn't going to buy a bikini. Even if I thought I looked good in one I don't think I would be comfortable exposing that much skin (I guess I eventually inherited my parent's sense of modesty).  But the bigger reason that I've never even tried one on was because in my head I felt my boobs were too small and my stomach, hips, and thighs were too big. However, I do applaud the women who proudly wear bikinis at any size - I just don't have that mindset for myself.

But at this point I also knew that if I didn't at least try one on at my lowest size thus far I would be so pissed at myself later on if I gained weight back that I didn't fully enjoy being a size 10 and exploring the wider array of clothing choices that were available.

And so I jumped that hurdle and spent time finding things that were good about the bikini. I'm still not sold that it's the right choice for me. I would need something with a higher waist to help the continuing muffin top but I also don't like some of the newer super high waist options - if it looks like the super model is wearing granny panties what will I look like in it? ;) So one day if I found a good pair of mid-waist bottoms and a top that flattered my lovely shoulders and accentuated my B cups so they distracted you enough from my pear shaped waist and bottom then I might consider it some more. But then again, maybe not...

1 comment:

  1. I've heard your story from so many of my friends--having multiple sizes of clothes in their closet! Maybe that's what keeps me from gaining weight and helps me to stay on track? Fear of having to buy new clothes in a bigger size? LOL