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Wednesday, June 8, 2016

On to the 2nd year

I don't remember the exact trigger that made me get my brain and body on track a year ago. I knew I was tired of feeling heavy and slow. I know I was eating beyond hunger - just mindlessly filling my body because I was bored and unhappy.

I didn't have a significant event that caused me to stop exercising. I just got busy and it became less important to me.

I looked at pictures of myself and hated them. The mental picture I had of myself did not look like that. When I looked in the mirror I didn't see someone with a face that wide and full. Or those stomach rolls that I thought were not as noticeable in the shirts I picked out and cardigans I covered with.

I started with diet (Beat It). I re-activated an account on MyFoodDiary.com. I avoided the candy and chips and stopped mindlessly eating and eating and eating. It wasn't always perfect. There were days and times when I slipped back into bad habits.

I picked up on exercise again. I slowly built up endurance. Couch to 5K plans and many hours on the elliptical were my main go to's at the beginning.  I went back to Zumba. I tried a spin class again. I avoided the boot camps. I signed up for a personal trainer after a couple of months of doing things on my own. I ran my slowest ever 5K.

I dropped weight rapidly at the beginning. I made grand plans to hit my goal within 6 months. I got cocky. And then I stalled. First it was just slowing down. It took 3 months to lose 15 pounds. Then it took 3 months of gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. Finally it got going again but I'm still not at goal weight 12 months later.

I had surgery, the removal of my thyroid, that took me out of exercising for the month of December. I had to build back strength and endurance afterwards. I had to deal with medication changes and the fear of cancer. But I've also been blessed and have had no other injuries or set backs. Twinges, aches, blisters, weird cramps - yes. But nothing that's made me have to sit on the sidelines and recover beyond the surgery. I credit increased strength training and limiting my long runs.

I've lost 55 pounds. I've gone from an XL to a Medium, or from a size 16 to a 10. I've lost 9 inches on my waist and 5.5 inches on my hips. I don't live in flowy/comfy clothes anymore. But I'm also more aware of my remaining pockets of fat and skin flab. The stretch marks from both fat and pregnancy that remain. My own body insecurities that make me long for "Cool Sculpting" or other transformative surgeries to take away these issues.

I still have 17 pounds left to reach my goal of 165. This goal was created solely for the reason of being a couple pounds under a BMI of 25 and therefore in a "normal" weight range. I know there's more to body composition than BMI but I'm tired of insurance companies judging me solely for the scale versus height. I also want to be under 27-28% for fat. I hope to end up at a size 8. I don't want to diet forever. But sadly, I know that I'll still be critical of my body even if I hit those goals.

I want to finish a triathlon again. I want to get under 60 minutes for a 10K. I want to do military style push-ups and to do a few pull ups. I want to have defined muscles and keep up with anyone in the gym. I love being strong.

I eat a lot more protein now. I'm making my peace with good fats and the need for carbs when you do a lot of cardio. I still have sugar indulgences but they aren't all day/every day. I try to eat for fuel and nourishment. I still love to drink.

I'm proud of myself. I'm happy with where I'm at but I know there's more I can do. So here we go - upward and onward.

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